it gets better

I have an app on my phone called ‘memoir’ or something like that. Every day it sends me a notification of photos, face book posts, and notes I had taken on my phone exactly a year ago.  Sometimes being reminded that exactly a year ago I was so broken I couldn’t remember a time when I was put together, is in the least to say; depressing. But some days when I look at these black and white words of fear and pain blurred across my phone in the form of something I thought acceptable to share, I look around me and I realize something; never in my life, had I been so grateful for what I have and the life I am now living.

“Four more months. Maybe even a year, just give it time.

I remember scolding people when they would tell me things are going to get better. I remember feeling disgusted, angry, and hateful towards the people who would say such a thing. How dare they give me hope. Sometimes the memories haunt me, to believe I would lay in bed all night crying and wake up my eyes swollen and glazed over with dried tears. Now I can wake up with this hope that I was so long ago offered. I sometimes think, what would have happened if I accepted the help when it was provided. But I don’t dare question my choices. Because right now, I couldn’t be happier with the reckless, fun, and caring amount of people in my life that I am so grateful to wake up to every morning. So don’t hate me for saying this, But trust me things are going to get better.

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